The Big Two One

Oh god, where do I start? I’m 21. I’m officially full grown and have a legal responsibility over my dumbass. Pardon my French but this might just be another existential crisis caused by an overactive brain past midnight.

I turned 21 a few days ago and it happened sooner than I thought. I have friends who are older than me that used to constantly tell me how once you reach the big two one, every other birthday along the way is just an autopilot straight into a shit storm called adulthood with no breaks in sight. A bunch of complainers I thought, being 21 and onwards would be amazing because imagine having the freedom, independence and your shit together when you’re all grown up! Jokes on me, I have nothing figured out and I’m graduating in a year.

Nowadays I find myself thinking of ways out. I think about a 9 to 5 at a desk job and I immediately cringe and get a backache. Then, I imagine just getting married and having a kid by 30 because that could be fun, challenging and exciting. The delusion is real because I know for a fact every parent reading this is sarcastically laughing at me or giving me an eye roll. To be fair, I know the world is my oyster but I have never had more anxiety in my life. I just really want to have my shit together even though I know it’s okay to ride the wave. I wanna know I’m going to kill it and do amazing things that I love. But when, where, what, with who and how is the major question of everyday.

-Zoey