"Break-ups are never easy...and even though you survived your first few break ups, for some reason, it doesn't get any easier the next time it happens.
You hurt just the same, in fact, the magnitude may feel even greater. Your heart feels like it's been shattered into a million pieces and you just don't know how to patch things up anymore. Your cries are all-consuming, like conclusive body earthquakes. But as you know, time heals and distance makes it easier too. Eventually, your weeps will turn into delicate tears and those tears will eventually turn into nostalgic memories.
From what I see, it takes a lot of strength to do the right thing – for yourself & for the other person. Our emotions, feelings and chemical reactions can rule us and it is the easier route to fall into what just “feels good” at the time instead of doing what is ultimately healthy and positive in the long run.
A breakup is very similar to the different stages of mourning the loss of someone. You will go through the rollercoaster of emotions and you will feel like there are only downs for some reason.
For starters, expect a lot of sadness, loneliness and a whole lot of missing. The next stage is denial. You will doubt your decision and make justifications. At this point, you will probably attempt to establish relations again and this is the tricky part. Most attempt this because the attachment is still so powerful, but be aware that it does prolong the healing and “getting over” process. Anger comes next – where you resent, recount only the bad memories, the fights, and feel victimized. There will be a lot of blaming here & there and feeling that life is unfair. After that's all over, it circles back to sadness again, where you think you’ll never open your heart again and tread like a fragile bird, afraid of anything that can potentially hurt you again.
Self-proclamations usually surface at this point. You'll tell yourself that you'll never love, trust & open up again. But these beliefs will only jade you. And if you hold on to the cynicism for too long, you may miss the next door that was meant to be opened.
It’s been ages since my last heartbreak, and to be honest, while my everyday is filled with great friends, tons of joy and lots and lots of laughter, there are moments at night when I’m alone that I struggle with the fact that someone whom I loved so dearly left me and so easily started a new life with someone else. When u see how I build up impossible walls, and fight so hard to protect my ego and heart – this is where it comes from. A place of fear – where all of my insecurities, abandonment and not being good enough looms over me as a risk if I open my heart again.
It has taken the support and wisdom of good friends and family, beautiful songs, witnessing others in positive relationships to take me out of my jaded, black cloud and believe in love again. I’ve realized that all I can do is be a source of love myself, embrace the love around me, cherish it and share it with others. That, is my source of joy.
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly. Cheer up, love. You are going to love again & it will be magnificent.”
This was by an amazing reader who left a comment on my last blog post. Sadly, under anonymous. I altered the post a little but all in all I hope you understand the message the post was trying to convey. I'm entirely grateful for the wise & kind words. It helped a lot in unclouding my mind and in a way it was a diagnose. Similar to a doctor telling a patient what exactly is going to happen next for the next few months and what will eventually happen after all the suffering ends. Thank you so much and I hope you don't mind me sharing this because it was such an eye opener and I believe that others would think so too.